Learn How to Heal Old Relationship Wounds

By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

In a sense, nothing is ever over. We carry memories and traces of all that has gone on. For some these become wounds, for others treasures. When we try to block out the past from our lives, it arises again at the oddest times. Old patterns start repeating, unfinished lessons appear to be learned. The art of living is the art of building bridges, creating links and pathways between the different parts of our lives. Rather than hate time of our life, the person we used to be, or people we've met along the way, it is necessary to learn how to find the treasure each experience gave us, the way it helped us become strong. If we weren't able to do it then, this is the time to do it now. Then we can digest or incorporate it. It becomes food or fuel to help us go on. When we take this approach our entire life opens up and we begin to build bridges naturally. Each person we meet, (whether we like them or not) then becomes another bridge, a new way to deepen the love and understanding we become capable of.

Yet, so few of us know how to do this. So few allow it. Or, If we do, it is only for a few precious moments. In a sense we are all like flowers longing for the light while we keep our petals closed, lost in sorrow and resentment. There is plenty of sun and light available, but if we are closed, we cannot let it in.

The crucial bridge is the one which allows us to forgive another, which makes peace with the pain we've suffered, and allows resentment and judgment to subside. Only then are we free to let new people and experiences into our world. Only then are we free to truly live in a present, which is constantly new.

To forgive means to give up to give up judgment, blame
resentment, revenge and cruelty of heart. It means finding a new way to understand what happened between us and taking responsibility for our part in the dance.

Beyond that, it means understanding that each person gave
us what they could at that particular time of their lives. Our expectations and demands of them, are what have caused
the pain now. When we let one person off the hook, often
to our surprise, we find our expectations and needs met by someone or something entirely new.

The crucial step in this process is to give up judging, rejecting or criticizing others. To stop labeling them as good or bad. Most of us fluctuate, with times of love and of withdrawal. It is crucial to look at our own expectations, and realize that we can never hope to have them met by one person or another. It is up to us to reach within, find the kind spot in our hearts and help it grow. When our own loving hearts are fully developed, that itself fulfills our expectations and whatever else we are yearning for.

Want to read more?  Take a look at Dr. Brenda Shoshanna's Ebook.